Wisdom Well January 2025

Dear reader,

Living separately even for a season can be challenging both for the child and the parent. However, distance does not have to hinder thoughtful parenting. Since there is a lot of unknown about your specific situation, I am going to base my response under the assumption that you and your husband have a healthy marital relationship. You could try the following strategies in order to help your children understand about the situation with their father:

1️⃣ You may try having an open conversation with your children by providing them space to express their feelings and explain about their father’s visa process in an age-appropriate manner. Children are resilient and they are able to understand and keep things in perspective if communicated effectively.

2️⃣ Acknowledge their feelings and let them know that you miss him too. Acknowledging your children’s feelings will help them feel valued and understood.

3️⃣ Abstain from making false promises in order to appease them. Making false promises to children can have a number of negative effects resulting in feelings of betrayal, loss of respect, create unpredictability and damage relationships.

In terms of supporting your children to maintain strong relationship with their father, the key thing would be to try and keep lines of communication open. It is important to make a decision on how often he plans to stay in touch and ensure he follows through. Keeping in mind the time differences it is important to keep a consistent schedule with phone or virtual calls. Creating a regular schedule and a routine can be very helpful. Maybe their father can help them with their homework; he can also make a point to discuss important events they have participated in or are looking forward to participating in (e.g. sports, school play, birthday parties etc.). It is also helpful to be creative and find different ways to let them know he is thinking about them.

To conclude, keeping a solid connection with your child when you’re a long-distance parent requires both tangible planning and a focus on emotional presence. It is important to remember that kids will do best with the long-distance relationship when they can count on hearing from the parent that is away, on a consistent basis. It is important to stick to a schedule and prioritize these important moments as the most memorable childhood memories are often the ones that make the child feel loved and cherished.

Amharic version to follow below.

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ውድ አንባቢ፡

ለወቅቱም ቢሆን እንኳን ተለያይቶ መኖር፡ ለልጅም ለወላጅም/ለአሣዳጊም ፈታኝ ሊሆን ይችላል። ይሁንና ርቀት ለአሣቢ ወላጅነት/አሣዳጊነት ዕንቅፋት አይሆንም። ስለ እናንተ ሁኔታ ብዙ ያልታወቀ ስላለ ምላሼ እርስዎና ባለቤትዎ ጤነኛ የትዳር ግንኙነት አላችሁ በሚል ላይ የተመሠረተ ነው።

ልጆችዎ የአባታቸውን ሁኔታ እንዲረዱ ለመርዳት የሚቀጥሉትን ስልቶች መሞከር ይችላሉ።ልጆችዎ የሚሠማቸውን እንዲገልጹ በማድረግና ስለ አባታቸው የቪዛ ጉዳይ ሂደት ለዕድሜያቸው ተገቢ መንገድ በማስረዳት ግልጽ የሆነ ውይይት እንዲኖራችሁ ማድረግ መሞከር ይችላሉ።

1️⃣ ልጆች ውጤታማ በሆነ መንገድ ከተነገራቸው ጽናት ያላቸው፡ ሊረዱና ነገሮችንም በቀና አመለካከት ሊይዙ የሚችሉ ናቸው።

2️⃣ ስሜታቸውን እንደሚረዱ እርስዎም አባታቸውን እንደሚናፍቋቸው ያሣውቋቸው።  ለልጆችዎ ስሜት ዕውቅና መሥጠት እንደሚረዷቸውና ዋጋም እንዳላቸው እንዲሠማቸው ይረዳቸዋል።

3️⃣ እነርሱን ለማስደሠት ሲሉ የውሸት {የማይሆን} ቃል አይግቡ። ለልጆች የውሸት ቃል መግባት የመካድ ስሜት፡ የአክብሮት መጥፋት አለመታወቅና ግንኙነትን የሚጎዳ አሉታዊ ውጤት ሊኖረው ይችላል።

ልጆችዎ ከአባታቸው ጋር ያላቸውን ጠንካራ ግንኙነት እንዲጠብቁ ለመርዳት፡ ቁልፉ ነገር የግንኙነት መስመሮችን ክፍት ማድረግ ነው። በምን ያህል ጊዜ ልዩነት ከልጆቻቸው ጋር እንደሚገናኙ ማቀድና ያንንም መከተላቸውን ማረጋገጥ ጠቃሚ ነው። የሰዓት ልዩነቶችን ልብ በማድረግ በድምጽ ወይም በምስል ጥሪ ቀጠሮውን በወጥነት ማክበር ጠቃሚ ነው።

መደበኛ መርሐግብርና ልምድ መፍጠር ይረዳል። ምናልባት አባታቸው ከት/ቤት በሚሠታቸው የቤት ሥራ ሊረዷቸው ይችላሉ። ልጆቻⶨው የተሣተፉባቸውን ወይም ወደፊት የሚሣተፉባቸውን ዝግጅቶች {ለምሣሌ፡ ስፖርት፡ የት/ቤት ጨዋታ፡ የልደት ፓርቲዎች …ወዘተ) አስመልክቶ የውይይት ነጥቦችን ማንሣት ይችላሉ። ስለነርሱ እንደሚያስቡ ለማሣወቅም ፈጠራቸውን በመጠቀም የተለያዩ መንገዶችንም ቢፈልጉ ይረዳል።

ለማጠቃለልም በረጅም ርቀት ላይ ያሉ ወላጅ/አሣዳጊ ሲሆኑ ከልጆችዎ ጋር ጠንካራ ግንኙነት ለመጠበቅ ተጨባጭ ዕቅድንና ስሜታዊ መገኘት ላይ ትኩረት ማድረግን ይፈልጋል። 

ልጆች በርቀት ካለ ወላጅ/አሣዳጊ ጋር በመደበኛነት እንደሚገናኙ ከተማመኑ በርቀት ግንኙነት ጥሩ እንድሚያደርጉ ማስታወስ ጠቃሚ ነው። ከሁሉም በላይ የሚታሰቡ የልጅነት ትውስታዎች ብዙውን ጊዜ ልጅ ፍቅርና ዕንክብካቤ እንዲሠማው የሚያደርጉት እንደመሆናቸው ቀጠሮን ማክበርና ለእነዚህ ጠቃሚ ቅፅበቶች ቅድሚያ መስጠትን ማስታወስ ጠቃሚ ነው።