Wisdom Well November 2024

Dear reader,

As a parent, it may be concerning for you to see your child feeling embarrassed about his culture. However, I want to reassure you that trying to fit in is a normal part of adolescence. You mentioned that “he desperately tries to fit in…by acting differently in school”. To this end, I encourage you to try to find out where the shame/embarrassment is coming from. Find out why he is embarrassed about his culture and provide him with a safe, non-judgmental space to share with you how he is feeling. It is important to keep in mind, even in a diverse country like Canada, young people can sometimes be bullied, feel out of place and be tempted to reject their culture. If you find that he is being bullied because of his culture (or any other difference) it is imperative to address the issue, as bullying has a long-lasting effect on an individual’s mental health. 

Regarding your question about how to help him be proud about his heritage; I think it is important to reflect on the following: How much does he know about the culture? Does he understand the language? How does he feel about the food? Has he had the opportunity to go for a visit? It can be helpful to find out what aspect of his culture he likes and support him to build on that as parents and caregivers are the best resource for helping children respect and celebrate their own culture and those of others. In addition, cultural exploration and expression can be valuable as this can help young people to create a more positive sense of self, improve their connections with others and give them a greater understanding about the world around them. 

To conclude, it is important to remember that culture is so much more than language or family gatherings so my suggestion would be to find a common ground to help your child feel more connected with his cultural heritage. Find ways to bring your culture into your everyday life in ways that is fun for your child. It is helpful to do this through influence and not control as trying to force your child to act and be a certain way may backfire.

Amharic version to follow below.

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ውድ አንባቢ፡

እንደ ወላጅ/አሣዳጊ፡ ልጅዎ በባሕሉ ሲሸማቀቅ ማየት አሣሳቢ ይሆን ይሆናል። ይሁንና፡ ለመመሣሰል መሞከር የተለመደ የአፍላ ዕድሜ ፀባይ መሆኑን ላረጋግጥልዎ እፈልጋለሁ። "ከጓደኛቹ ጋር ለመመሣሰል በሚያደርገው ተስፋ የቆረጠ ሙከራ በት/ቤት የሚያሣየው ሁኔታ ለየት ያለ ነው" ብለዋል። እስከዚህ ባለው፡ ዕፍረቱ ወይም መሸማቀቁ ከየት እንደሚመጣ ለማወቅ ይሞክሩ። በባሕሉ ለምን እንደሚሸማቀቅ ይወቁና እንዴት እንደሚሠማው ለእርስዎ የሚያጋራበት ጤናማና ፍረጃ የሌለበት ቦታ ይስጡት። እንደ ካናዳ የባህል ተለያይነት ባለበት ሀገር እንኳን ወጣቶች ጉልበተኝነት ለደርስባቸው፡ ከቦታቸው ውጭ እንደሆኑ ሊሠማቸውና ባህላቸውን እንደ መፀየፍ ሊሉ ይችላሉ። በባህሉ ወይም በሌላ ልዩነት የተነሣ የሚያበሽቁት ከሆነ፡ ይህ ዓይነት ጉልበተኝነት በግለሠብ አዕምሮ ጤና ላይ ዘላቂነት ያለው ተፅዕኖ ስላለው ለዚህ ጉዳይ መፍትሔ መሻት አስፈላጊ ነው።

በባህሉ እንዲኮራ ስለ መርዳት ጥያቄዎን በተመለከተ፡ በሚከተለው ላይ ማንፀባረቅ ጠቃሚ ይመስለኛል።

ስለ ባሕሉ ምን ያህል ያውቃል? ቋንቋውን ይረዳል? ስለምግቡ ምን ይሠማዋል? ሄዶ ለመጎብኘት ዕድል አግኝቶ ያውቃል ወይ? ወላጆች/አሣዳጊዎችና ዕንክብካቤ ሠጪዎች ልጆች የራሣቸውንና የሌሎችንም ባሕል እንዲወዱና እንዲያከብሩ ለመርዳት በጣም የተሻሉ ስለሆኑ፡ የባህሉን የትኛውን ክፍል እንደሚወድ አውቆ በዚያ ላይ እንዲገነባ መርዳት ይረዳል። በተጨማሪም፡ ባህላዊ ቅኝትና ማብራሪያ ወጣት ሰዎችን አዎንታዊ ማንነት እንዲፈጥሩ ስለሚረዳ፡ ከሌሎች ጋር ያላቸውን ግንኙነት ስለሚያሻሽልና በዙሪያቸው ስላለው ዓለም የበለጠ ግንዛቤ ስለሚሠጣቸው ጠቀሜታ አለው።

ለማጠቃለልም፡ ባህል ከቋንቋና የቤተሠብ መሠባሰብ በላይ መሆኑንማስታውስ የሚጠቅም እንደመሆኑ፡ የኔ አስተያየት፡ ልጅዎ ከባህላዊ ዕሤቶቹ ጋር የበለጠ ግንኙነት እንዲሠማው ለመርዳት የጋራ የሆነ መሠረት መፈለግ ነው። ልጅዎን ዘና በሚያደርጉ መንገዶች ባህልዎን ወደ ዕለት ህይወትዎ ለማምጣት መንገድ ይፈልጉ። ልጅዎን በሆነ መንገድ እንዲያደርግና እንዲሆን ማስገደድ ወደኋላ ስለሚቀለብስ፡ ይህንን በቁጥጥር ሣይሆን በተፅዕኖ ማድረግ ይረዳል።